


The Comfort of Blue Light

by FrillyHeathen



Series: This Might As Well Happen [2]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Conversations, Dialogue-Only, Discussions about suicide, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I promise that one day I'll write something without any angst in it, Late Night Conversations, Male-Female Friendship, Melancholy, Phone Calls & Telephones, Shameless projecting on my part, Yusuke/Futaba but only if you squint, discussions about death, that day is not today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26909431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrillyHeathen/pseuds/FrillyHeathen
Summary: "You finally picked up, Inari."
Relationships: Kitagawa Yusuke & Sakura Futaba
Series: This Might As Well Happen [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925578
Comments: 4
Kudos: 40





	The Comfort of Blue Light

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to get a little experimental with this one (just a little avant-garde, you know), so we'll see how that works. This is also a very vent-y piece, and it covers some pretty heavy topics, mainly death. If that could be potentially upsetting to you, I have written a fluffier piece in a similar style that you could read instead (it's the next work in this series). Prioritize your mental well-being, y'all.

"You finally picked up, Inari."

"Yes, do you need something?"

"I'm in the middle of a painting right now."

"You're painting in the middle of the night?"

"I cannot control when inspiration strikes."

"Weirdo."

"You are awake as well."

"Yeah, but for normal people reasons."

"And what would those be?"

“You know, reasons…”

“I just...need to listen to someone talk."

"Someone who doesn’t have my brain.”

"I see. In that case, would you like to hear about what I am painting?"

"Sure."

“I am attempting to recreate a scene from earlier today when I was watching people in the park with Akira."

"There was a girl feeding birds with her father, and it was a truly beautiful display of a paternal love."

"I want to capture the warmth in the father’s expression, and have it light the entire canvas.”

“I can’t tell if you’re making less sense than usual or if it’s just the sleep deprivation.”

“Either is a possibility. I am not a good judge of how understandable I am to others.”

“Because you’re a tall, noodle-looking _weirdo.”_

“I may not be a good judge of my own clarity, but I am an adequate one of others and I can say that you definitely are in need of sleep.”

“Quiet.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Do you ever think about death?”

“From time to time. It’s hard not to in our line of work, especially with recent events.”

“Yeah, stupid question, I guess.”

“I would not say it was a stupid question."

"Why do you bring it up?”

“I’m thinking about my mom again.”

“Ah.”

  
“I know that she wouldn’t want me to linger on it."

"I try so hard to not be sad when I’m remembering her, to just be happy that I had such a great mom, but it’s really difficult."

"Sojiro is thrilled that I’m actually leaving the house and making friends, and you all went to the effort to change my heart."

"I just want to show you all that I’m doing better."

"And I am doing better, but…”

“We do not expect for you to completely move past your pain.

"You aren’t disappointing anyone by having emotions."

"Grief is an unfortunate yet necessary part of life, and as your friends, we will gladly stand with you through it.”

“Thanks."

"Sucks that it never goes away--grief I mean."

"Now Haru’s going to be stuck with it for the rest of her life, too.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, was this brought on because of what happened to her father?”

“Part of it."

"I mean, he died on _live television.”_

“He did die in a rather fantastical manner."

"There are times when it is hard to get the image out of my head.”

“But it’s not just him."

"I was rewatching some episodes of Neo, and it brought up some memories."

"I don’t want to bother you with it, though.”

“You would not be bothering me; go ahead.”

“If you say so.”

“Well, I remember I was watching reruns of Neo after school, and this one episode came on that I had never seen before."

"It was immediately after this really big fight, and you find out that this one recurring side character died.

"Not on screen or anything, but he just _died."_

"And they went through this whole episode where all the characters were grieving, and it was so bizarre."

"I didn’t cry because I was just so confused."

"Like, the character was so _young._ I don’t think I had ever considered before that it was possible to die if you weren’t really old, but then this character did."

"It made me realize that anyone I knew could just die, and there wouldn’t be any rhyme or reason to it."

"Me, my neighbors, my _mom--”_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Do you wish to not speak about it anymore?”

“N-no, I’m fine.”

“I couldn’t sleep after I watched the episode."

"My mom came into my room to say goodnight, and I remember I started crying."

"Heh, she must have been so confused."

"It was really late by the time I calmed down."

"I didn’t want her to be mad at me for keeping her up over something so dumb, so I didn’t say anything when she asked what was wrong.”

“She let me sleep in her bed, but I didn’t get much sleeping done."

"I stayed up watching her and making sure she was still breathing."

"For a whole week afterwards I would sneak into her room to make sure that she was okay."

"Guess all that worrying didn’t do me any good, huh?”

“Like I said, I don’t want to bother you with this."

"I just saw the episode recently and made me think about a lot of things."

"More than anything, it should’ve made me realize what a weird kid I was.”

“You did not seem odd."

"I remember a similar incident from my own childhood.”

“I bet you were the kind of kid that drove adults mad with a bunch of questions.”

“Perhaps; there was a large number of them that seemed to merely tolerate me.”

“So what happened?”

“It was after I saw a piece that one of the other students had drawn."

"If I remember correctly, it was an illustration of a young girl whose arms had been ripped off.”

“Geez, that’s pretty brutal for an art piece.”

“Yes, but the art often reflects the state of the artist’s mind."

"I can only imagine the stress he was under while being one of Madarame’s pupils.”

“How old were you?”

“Seven or eight, I believe."

"The art was undeniably beautiful, but I was deeply disturbed by the subject matter."

"I decided to follow Madarame around and ask him all of my questions about the matter of death.”

“Did he get mad?”

“No."

"In fact, he answered all of my questions.”

“Wow, I didn’t expect that.”

“While he was a despicable man, Madarame was not so entirely cruel.”

“Do you miss him sometimes?”

“It’s difficult not to when he played such an important role in my life."

"I can never forgive him for the things that he did, but I still have good memories of him."

"Despite everything, he still raised me.”

“So...did he give good answers?”

“For the most part."

"I recall asking him if death was frightening."

"Then, because she was the only person I could think of, I asked him if my mother had been frightened when she died.”

“And he told me she wasn’t.”

“Oh.”

“I believe that I’ve explained to you the specifics of Madarame’s actions.”

“Yeah, you have."

"That’s really rough, man.”

“And to think I carried those words with me for years."

"I soothed myself with them on the rare nights that I thought about my mother’s death."

"Now I know the truth, and they’ve been utterly tainted.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Madarame was, as well.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
“Have you ever thought about...ending it yourself?”

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer that."

"I was just thinking about how I was so willing to give up after my mom died."

"I never _really_ considered doing it, but some nights I would stay awake just thinking about it."

"Then I would think about how much it would hurt Sojiro."

"It makes me feel guilty that I even thought about it.” 

“I’m saying too much.”

“I do not believe you are."

"As for your question, I think that it has crossed the mind of most people at one point or another."

"Though I have never found myself seriously considering it.”

“Good."

"You need to be around to give me piggy back rides and eat all the jagariko flavors I don’t like.”

“I could say the same thing about you."

"You make for a good model when you aren’t trying to steal my food.”

“Mweh heh heh.”

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Not really. Sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for."

"I do not expect you to pretend on my behalf.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Sometimes I get really angry about death."

"It makes life seem so meaningless, you know?"

"You live and you grow and have all these experiences, but then one day, bam!"

"You’re gone, and people won’t even remember you.”

“Hmm, that’s certainly one perspective."

"Many artists and philosophers have argued that it’s the fleetingness of life that makes it so beautiful."

"That even if we are only alive for a short time, we still play a role in changing the world."

"We are all a thread in a single tapestry.”

“Is that what you believe?”

“Perhaps."

"I can’t say that I have a definitive view on the matter.”

“I just don’t want to be alone when it happens.”

“That is an understandable desire.”

“And...I’m scared of falling asleep.”

“Are you afraid that you will die?”

“I know that it’s really dumb...”

“I have experienced that feeling before."

"The night has a way of pulling fears out of you that you may not have been aware of before."

“Could I suggest a solution to your dilemma?”

“Sure.”

“If you are having trouble falling asleep alone, then I could stay on the phone with you."

"It is unlikely that I will be done with painting any time soon, so I will be here if you wish to continue speaking.”

“That actually sounds like a good idea.”

“I am glad to be of service.”

  
  
  
  
  


“Hey, Yusuke?”

“Yes?”

“You’re a really good friend.”

“Thank you, that is very high praise.”

“Do you think that…

“Nevermind.”

“Goodnight, Yusuke.”

“Goodnight, Futaba.”

**Author's Note:**

> Yusuke: I cannot control when inspiration strikes
> 
> Cut to me, writing all of this in one sitting at 11 pm, ignoring the dozen WIPs I could be working on instead.
> 
> A second cut to me trying to edit my sleep-deprived ramblings in the morning.
> 
> Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed this and that you have a lovely day!


End file.
